30 seconds to Naruto
by Toonfanatic5
Summary: 3 groups. 15 players. Can the Akatsuki, Konoha nin and the three Sannin work together to play a not so friendly board game against their will? REWRITTEN
1. Prologue

_**A/N:**_ **Alright, I have rewritten this story because my previous version SUCKED ASS! My problem was that I would be busy writing a scene and suddenly another awesome idea popped in my head. Then I want to rush right onto my idea but then of course ANOTHER one comes up and well... you know what happens. Now I'm going to take my time and make this one kick ass story! *Warning* this story contains an OC (But she will make brief appearances)**

** *Warning 2.0* this story may contain crack (not guaranteed to be in every chapter)**

** Furthermore, if you have any ideas, feel free to review or pm me. Anonymous reviews are more than welcome.**

** Enjoy!**

_**Disclaimer:**_ I don't own Naruto but if I did, I would give it to my fans... except for Gaara! He's mine bitches! ;)

_**Prologue:**_

She swiftly loaded the gun with ammo and carefully tucked it away underneath her clothing. She then grabbed her purse and a small container filled with pills and shoved them in her pockets.

The mysterious female made her way towards her bedroom mirror; the twin image in the reflective surface stared back at her. She grabbed her black brush and tugged at her caramel brown hair before tying it into a high ponytail. After applying a bit of mascara and lip gloss, she admired the mirror's reflection. Her glossy lips stretched into a grinned.

"Today's the day," she said to herself.

The brunette then turned towards the door, her long ponytail swaying from side to side.

xxx

The brunette walked down the streets of Konoha, taking in the sights around her. Even though she was a foreigner in the Hidden Leaf Village, no one seemed to pay any attention to her except for a few perverted males who were eyeing her up and down. She took no notice of them and continued to walk until she had reached her destination – Ichiraku Ramen Bar. Her blue eyes then fell on the three customers sitting at the bar.

"The usual please old man! I'm starving after this morning's mission!" A blond wearing an orange tracksuit shouted.

"Naruto! Do you have to be so loud!" A girl with short pink locks exclaimed.

Teuchi served his customer their piping hot food and turned to the pink haired beauty. He shrugged his shoulders, "Naruto is Naruto. It would be weird if he wasn't loud."

"Hn. Let's hope Naruto chokes on his beloved ramen. That'll shut him up," a raven haired boy smirked.

"Teme! Don't say such things! I'll kill you!" Naruto attacked the black haired male.

"Naruto! Sasuke! Stop it this instant!" Sakura shouted while trying to keep the boys apart.

"_This is my chance_," the brunette thought. She grabbed three pills from her pocket and with great aim, she threw one in each genin's bowl. She then concealed herself behind a building to watch her plan unveil.

When Team 7 eventually stopped fighting, they returned to their seats in the bar. After saying grace, the three nin devoured their meals along with the now dissolved drug.

Suddenly, Sakura and Sasuke's heads banged on the table, their bodies grew limp as they fell into a deep sleep.

Naruto, who had raised the bowl to his lips and noisily slurped up his lunch, suddenly fell backwards off his chair. He landed with a thud on his back. His legs were up in the air, leaning against the bar stool for support. The bowl cupped his tanned face. Noodles were trying to slip their way onto the ground. Some managed to make their way into his golden locks of hair and inside his clothing.

"Should we go get help?" Ayame asked, leaning over the unconscious customers.

After her father gave a swift nod, she was about to dash off to the Hokage's office when something poked into her skin. She looked down at her leg to see a needle like object with a colorful tail dangling from her flesh. Drowsiness suddenly washed over her. She clutched onto the counter of her father's restaurant, trying to steady herself.

"F-f-father, I feel w-w-weird." She stammered.

But Teuchi did not respond as his body had collapsed onto the floor. His eyes were shut tight and a loud snore escaped from his lips. The same colourful dart had been inserted into his ass.

"W-w-what's going on?" Ayame asked before her body fell onto the ground alongside her father.

It was at that moment that Hyuga Neji was walking past the sleeping Konoha citizens. Her stared at them for a second before shaking his brunette head.

"They are like a bunch of Shikamarus," he muttered.

Our mystery woman, who was still hiding, gave an evil smile. "How convenient that my prey has come to me," she thought to herself.

She took a hold of her gun and aimed it at the Hyuga clan member's blind spot...

_**A/N:**_ **who is this mysterious female? What is she up to? Will she be considered as a dangerous enemy? To find out, click on the 'next chapter' button. Feel free to leave a review while you're at it : )**


	2. Chapter 1: Imprisonment

Chapter 1: Imprisonment

_**A/N:**_ **If you are reading my story, it's going to cost you a review. If you don't pay up then I'll use the Naruto pout. Come on, you know you can't resist the pout ;)**

**This chapter was hardly rewritten. Just a few sentences/words here and there.**

_**Disclaimer:**_ I do not own Naruto. *Tear*

Gaara's eyelid slowly began to open, revealing his beautiful cerulean eyes. When his vision became clear, he saw several other people sitting on uncomfortable metal chairs, their hands and legs bound with aluminium shackles.

Gaara tried to move but saw that he too was imprisoned, except his chair was different. It was a black La-Z-Bo and it was extremely comfortable. His body sank into the soft leather and his legs rested on the built in footstool.

The red haired male scanned the prison for any clues that would suggest where they were but all he would see was something that resembled a dark abyss. A groan suddenly caught his attention.

"I…smell…ramen…" a male voice spoke slowly.

He turned his pale face to see Naruto's imprisoned body trying to move. Naruto's eyes burst wide open as he realised that his body was trapped.

"What the hell!" the Uzumaki shouted. "What the hell is going on!"

"Naruto, would you please lower your voice?" a sleepy Sakura spoke up, followed by a chorus of mumbles and groans from the rest of the inmates who had awakened.

Confusion and distraught suddenly filled the atmosphere as the shinobi became aware of their predicament. They all fell silent, trying to assess the situation, as true ninja would until Naruto suddenly piped up.

"Hey! Why does Gaara get a comfortable couch? I am the future Hokage! I should be the one sitting on the La-Z-Boy!"

"Baka! I AM the Hokage and I'm also seated on this metal chair!" the temperamental Tsunade exclaimed.

Naruto turned his head to the left and gasped at sight before him. The blonde Hokage's hair was extremely messy –small strands flew up in the most awkward places. She had bags under her hazel eyes. Even the female sannin's clothes were creased and wrinkled. She was obviously doing late night paperwork.

"Obaa-chan! You look terr…" an intimidating glare from Tsunade shut Naruto up.

"Oh good! You're all awake!" an unfamiliar voice spoke up. Everyone's attention turned to a figure that emerged from the shadows. "I trust that you all had a good rest?" said the mysterious female as she eyed her hostages – Naruto, Tsunade, Sasuke, Neji, Sakura, Shino, Chōji, Shikamaru, Kisame, Itachi, Orochimaru, Jiraiya, Tobi, Hidan and lastly, Gaara.

"What do you want with us?" Shikamaru asked, annoyed that his cloud gazing was interrupted by this stranger.

"It's simple really," she said not taking her eyes off Gaara.

The red haired genin studied her very carefully. Her face kept a blank expression but her eyes showed a hint of… insanity? She looked away and stared at the rest of her prisoners.

The brunette's facial expression changed into one of a psycho serial killer. "You are all…" she said in a low raspy voice.

The same thoughts crossed everyone's mind. _We are all what? Going to be tortured? Going to die? _They all braced themselves for the worst.

"You are all… going to play a game of 30 Seconds with me!" she said cheerfully, her face now baring a huge grin causing creases to appear under her eyes.

_My suspicion is confirmed, _Gaara thought. _She is insane!_

The brunette pulled out a remote control and pushed a button. The sound of metal crashing onto the floor made the ninjas realise that they were no longer bound to the chairs.

"Let me introduce myself. My name is Shavaun. I like to play board games but I dislike people who don't want to play with me. And my goal is to become the future Mrs Sabaku no Gaara!" she laughed manically.

The shinobi stared at Shavaun then Gaara then back at Shavaun again. Was this some kind of joke?

When the laughter died down, Shavaun's face once again held a blank expression. "As I said, I dislike people who won't partake in my games." She walked towards a door that no one noticed before and opened it. "If you want to try and escape, you may go." She said as she walked towards a table and started setting up for her game.

The shinobi stared at the door but did not dare to make a break for it. This mysterious girl has captured talented nin, including the dangerous members of the Akatsuki. She would not go through all that trouble just to let them walk out of the door without a fight. It was all too easy.

Naruto however did not think logically and darted towards the door shouting "I will not stay here to play a lame game with a crazy girl! I will escape with such skill that only a future Hokage can possess! Dattebayo!"

Sakura and Sasuke sweatdropped at their friend's lack of common sense. They waited patiently to see what would happen to Naruto who had passed through the doorway and disappeared into darkness.

Two minutes later, a blood-curdling scream echoed through the room. Sasuke and Sakura looked at each other worriedly and was about to run through the door to save Naruto, when the blond suddenly stumbled out of the darkness and appeared in front of his friends. He curled up into the foetal position, with tears streaming down his tanned face.

"Naruto, what happened?" Sakura asked, kneeling next to the Kyubi vessel.

"I-I saw O-Obaa-chan pass a law that s-said ninjas are b-b-banned from eating r-r-ramen!" Naruto stammered.

Sakura's eye twitched. _What is this baka talking about?_

"Did I forget to mention that should any of you pass through that door, you will be forced to endure unbearable torture? Trust me, none of you will be able to withstand it," Shavaun smirked.

"How exactly will we be tortured?" enquired Sasuke.

Shavaun sighed. "Something different will happen to each of you. As all of you can already guess, Naruto's torture will be to believe that Lady Tsunade has banned ninjas from eating ramen. Citizens however may eat ramen to their heart's content. Therefore, Naruto is forced to choose between becoming a shinobi and eating ramen."

The ninja stayed silenced and glanced at the door wondering what torture method awaited them.

_It's like my Mangeky_ō_ sharingan, _thought Itachi; his usual dead facade hid his surprise.

"Alright!" barked Shavaun. "Line up!"

The brunette scribbled something on a piece of paper. The shinobi stood in a straight line and anxiously stared at Shavaun.

Well, except for Sasuke who was glaring at his brother. _Itachi and I used to play 30 Seconds at home. He probably memorised the answers using his sharingan. _Sasuke clenched his fists. _That damn cheater! I'm going to kill him some day!"_

Sakura, who was standing next to him, noticed his hands balled up into a fist. "Sasuke-kun" she whispered. "Are you alright?"

"Hn," the Uchiha smirked at his thoughts of killing Itachi and relaxed his hands.

Shavaun looked up from her page and stated, "I'm going to put you in teams of five. The three leaders of the teams will be Naruto, Sakura and Jiraiya."

Everyone groaned at the thought of an idiot, a bossy temperamental bitch and a pervert as their leaders.

"Will the leaders please come forth?" commanded Shavaun.

Sakura and Jiraiya stepped forward. They glanced back to see Naruto picking ramen noodles that had previously spilt on his face, hair and clothes. The noodles whip lashed his face before disappearing inside his mouth. Jiraiya and Sakura's faces turned green.

"What?" he asked when he noticed that their eyes were fixed on him.

_**A/N:**_ **you see that tiny button underneath my story? You know, the one that says 'review'? Don't you want to click on it and leave me a pretty little message? Naruto pout**


	3. Part 1 the Forbidden Door: Konoha nin

_**A/N:**_ **To those of you who are curious as to what the torture methods will be, well here you go (^^,) Each person walks through the door and you get to read about their experiences. Enjoy being a sadist. Mwahahahaha! XD**

**CHAPTER REWRITTEN**

*Note* _Italics = thoughts_

**Gaara**

He had to walk through the door. He just had to. There was no way that he was going to stay inside the same room with that psychotic freak!

Typical! An actual girl likes him but she's insane.

The red haired nin walked further into the dark shadows that was encasing him. He tuned his senses to his surroundings, watching out for any possible threat to his life. Even though his sand automatically shields him from danger, he didn't want to take any chances and let his guard down.

Suddenly water splashed onto his legs, soaking the hems of his pants. Gaara's eyes grew wide as the water twirled around his legs with every stride he took. _Where the hell did this water come from? It wasn't here a second ago. _

His sand slowly escaped from his gourd and formed itself into a cloud. Gaara climbed onto the sand cloud and rose away from the liquid. He frowned, trying to figure out what was going on. _Genjutsu? _He listened for any sounds that would provide him with a clue that would tell him what was happening. But there was nothing, not even a waterfall.

_The water levels are rapidly rising and it won't be long until it disintegrates my sand, _he thought to himself as he looked back down at the water below him. He commanded his sand cloud to keep moving. It obeyed and dashed forward, while Gaara kept his insomniac eyes peeled for an exit. But he couldn't see any sign of an escape route; he was trapped in this abyss.

Suddenly a wave hit his sand cloud, causing a giant hole to form at the bottom. He clung to the edges as his body started sinking through the hole. Gaara pulled his body back up but an even higher wave splashed onto him. The sand vanished beneath his grip, causing him to fall into the water. He cringed as his body came in contact with the cold liquid. The water mocked him as it playfully twirled around his lean figure, pulling him deeper into the now blue chasm.

The sand sibling started to panic. He frantically scrambled to the surface. As his head poked out of the water, he gulped in a huge amount of air, trying to feed his lungs. But alas, the cruel liquid pulled him down once again.

With his lungs fuelled with air, his brain started thinking rationally. _Panicking is not an option,_ he thought to himself. Gaara closed his eyes, forcing himself to relax. His hair brushed against his forehead as his still body slowly floated back towards the surface.

His head broke through the water and came in contact with the air once again. His cerulean eyes continued searching for an exit. That's when he finally spied a light in the shape of a rectangle.

He forced his unfit body to swim towards the glow. As his arms grew tired, he cursed himself for always relying too much on his sand for attacks, instead of his own strength. He ignored the pain in his arms that were screaming for him to stop. He ignored the small waves that splashed against his face, in an attempt to drown him. Instead he just persevered and carried on swimming, fighting against the water.

But the water proved to be a worthy opponent. His energy levels were lowering, weakening his body. His precious sand couldn't save his life this time.

Just as he wanted to collapse from exhaustion and a lack of oxygen, his body hit dry ground. Gaara gasped for the delicious familiar taste of air. He looked down to examine his body which was…dry?

He looked up to see the faces of the familiar captured shinobi and a brunette that was grinning evilly at him.

_Fuck no! _He thought as he saw Shavaun standing before him. _I'm going back to go drown myself._

**Neji**

Once Neji entered the darkness, he activated his Byakugan. Creases formed next to his beautiful lavender eyes. The Hyuga scanned for any signs of an exit or a sign of life but there was nothing.

_Wait a minute, is that a person? _He wondered as he saw a silhouette move. _But I don't see any chakra._

Confused, Neji followed the silhouette until a mysterious fog appeared out of nowhere. The figure slowly disappeared as the mist thickened, leaving Neji clueless about his whereabouts. The condensed smog had blinded the Byakugan master, rendering his eyes useless.

"Neji," a ghostly whisper suddenly called out.

Startled, Neji looked around, searching for who was calling him.

"Neji-kun," the ghostly voice rasped dangerously.

His hand instinctively reached for his pouch to grab a kunai. He positioned himself, weapon in hand. He took a deep breath and tried to concentrate. He once again tried scanning the area but the mist continued to confuse his eyes.

A swift kick to the legs caused Neji to fall on the floor. The stunned boy got back up onto his feet and repositioned himself in a fighting stance.

"Who are you?" he shouted.

An eerie laugh escaped the stranger's lips, causing the Hyuga's heart to race and his hair to stand on end. But he stood his ground, trying to figure out his next move. A sudden glint that appeared through the thick mist caught his eye. Something shiny flew at him and stabbed him in his side. The Hyuga groaned in pain. He looked down at his side to see a kunai that had been inserted into his flesh. A red liquid started to stain his pearl coloured shirt. _Kuso! _He cringed at the pain, _Why couldn't I see that weapon flying out at me? _

"Do I scare you Neji? Do I intimidate you?" the paranormal voice asked innocently.

Another shiny weapon flew out at him but this time Neji deflected it with his own kunai. He grimaced as he felt the kunai wriggle inside his skin as he moved his body. Taking a deep breath, he clutched the weapons handle and yanked it free from his fleshy tissue. He gasped at the pain. He pressed his bandaged hand against his side to stop the blood fountain from leaking onto the floor.

A ghostly child's giggle rang through his ears. He screamed in pain as he felt a jagged-edged object slice into the side of his neck. The blood dripped down his neck and twirled down his back, forming delicate red patterns.

Neji had no choice. He was going to lose his life if he just stood here, trying to fight something he couldn't even sense. He immediately spun around and started running, his long chocolate brown hair flowing behind him.

"Neji-kun," the voice screeched after him.

He gritted his teeth as he felt his injuries stinging his body. He grew weaker as his blood coloured the floor on which he trodden on. His legs suddenly felt feeble. They shook violently before they collapsed, causing the rest of his body to collide with the ground.

Feeling drained from all the blood loss, he's eyelids slowly began closing. _Guess this is how it ends, _his last conscious thoughts echoed through his mind before he finally passed out.

* * *

><p>"Neji! Neji!" A loud, obnoxious voice called out. He could feel a pair of hands forcefully shaking his body.<p>

The Hyuga slowly awakened. He could feel the cold floor beneath his frail body. _I'm alive?_

He looked up to see Naruto's scrunched up face, staring at him. "Oi, Neji! Are you okay?"

He stared at Naruto for a minute before looking over the blonde's shoulder to see all his fellow inmates, gawking at him quizzically. He then glanced down to inspect his injuries but saw no evidence of it.

Not even a trace of blood.

**Sakura**

The darkness was blinding. She summoned chakra to her hand, creating a magnificent pink glow. It wasn't much light but it was better than nothing.

As she continued walking, an object caught her beautiful emerald eyes. Curious, she strolled towards it and picked it up, examining it in the dim light. A purple skirt?

The pinkette looked around and spotted another item of clothing. This time it was a purple shirt.

_Could this be…?_

She searched the floor and found the final item of clothing that confirmed her suspicion: a pair of fishnet stockings.

Why the hell is her ex-best friend running around naked? She recoiled at the images that suddenly appeared in her mind.

The Haruno suddenly spied another shirt on the dark floor. Her chakra filled hand glowered as she reached for it to get a better look. She picked it up and inspected it closely. It was a small, navy blue shirt. She turned the shirt around and stared disbelievingly at the clan symbol imprinted on the back. Any hint of colour drained from her face, making her look paler than usual.

"N-No! I-It c-can't be!" she stammered.

A loud moan caught the pink maiden's attention. She ran towards the sound, her legs feeling shaky. _It has to be my imagination! _Sakura tried to reassure herself. The moans continued to guide her to her destination.

The pinkette stopped abruptly in front of a room surrounded by shadows. A small light flickered within the door. Sakura took a deep breath and peered into the doorway. She gasped at the horrid sight before her – Ino and Sasuke's naked bodies were intertwined against the wall. Ino moaned in pleasure as the Uchiha kissed her bare neck and rubbed her breasts. Ino's baby blue eyes darted towards Sakura.

"I won forehead. Sasuke's mine!" the blonde sneered.

"S-Sasuke-kun?" whimpered Sakura.

The raven haired male broke away from Ino's creamy neck and glanced back at the pinkette. "Hn. You're annoying."

Sakura, now in tears, turned and ran away from the disturbing scene. She didn't know where her legs were taking her but she didn't care. Tears streamed down her face as she continued to run. She felt the sadness and shock affect her legs. It weakened them and she was forced her to tumble forward, crashing and rolling onto the cold hard floor. She lay there on the ground, morning her broken heart.

"Ino. It was Ino all along." She whimpered. She closed her eyes, trying to erase the disturbing scene from her mind.

_Forget. Forget. Forget. _She told herself, as she slowly fell into a deep sleep.

* * *

><p>"Sakura? Sakura?" a hand gently shook her awake. She slowly lifted her head, her pink locks tousled around her eyes. As she brushed them away from her face, she saw Sasuke and the others surrounding her.<p>

She locked eyes with Sasuke's onyx ones. With chakra still surrounding her hand, Sakura struck the raven haired boy across the face.

"Sasuke! You man whore!" she screamed.

**Shino**

Pesticides. Do I really need to elaborate? ;)

**Ch****ō****ji**

Chōji stepped through the forbidden door and was immediately greeted by sunlight. The warmth caressed his face. He looked around and saw that he was standing in the middle of Konoha Park. Children were dashing back and forth, playing their little games. It was the perfect day outside.

A glorious smell suddenly filled his nostrils. He allowed his sense of smell to guide him towards the heavenly scent. Chōji stopped abruptly to see Ino, Asuma-sensei and… Shikamaru?

_When did he escape?_ the Akimichi wondered. Again the smell caught his attention, forcing Chōji to forget his question.

A wondrous feast of meat, potatoes and rice cakes was spread out between his teammates. There was even a beautifully decorated strawberry cheesecake sitting in the middle.

He grinned, causing the spirals on his cheeks to look deformed. Jogging slowly, he made his way to his friends.

"Konichiwa mina-san," he greeted. "May I join you for lunch?"

No one responded to him, instead they continued to sit on Ino's blue blanket with a giant cartoon pig design on the middle, laughing and chatting. It was as if Chōji wasn't even there.

The big boned male seated himself next to Shikamaru. He lightly tapped his lazy friend on the shoulder.

"What's wrong? Why am I being ignored?" he asked.

Shikamaru didn't reply. Instead he leaned back on his arms, keeping his usual bored façade and stared at the sky. Chōji, hurt, looked away from his friend and stared at the food - food that was just lying there. Nobody had bothered to pile their plates. Instead they just sat and chatted to one another.

Chōji's stomach started to rumble. He was starving! Despite feeling unwelcomed, he reached for a chicken leg but his hand passed right through it.

"_What the hell?"_ he thought. He tried reaching for the potatoes but again, the food became intangible. Trying again, he reached for the dessert. The same results occurred.

"WHAT THE HELL!" he screamed, jumping to his feet. He looked at his hands as if they were bewitched.

The brunette's stomach rumbled even louder. His hunger increased and slowly, he could feel his stomach acid dissolving his lining of his belly. He clutched his abdomen in pain and crashed onto the ground. _I'm so hungry that it's killing me! _

He crawled towards the food and tried to pick up the meat using his teeth. But still he passed through it as if he were a ghost.

The mouth-watering smell continued to invade his nose, aggravating the acid in his tummy. The Akimichi screamed in pain. He looked down to see a hole that had magically appeared through his clothing. The acid had dissolved his stomach and had now moved on to his clothing. He gazed at his so called friends, "Help." He whimpered

They still took no notice of him. It was as if he was invisible, a ghost in need of help. Darkness slowly clouded his eyes as he passed out.

* * *

><p><em>Do I smell chocolate? <em>He slowly opened his hazel eyes. He saw Shikamaru kneeling before him, dangling a chocolate bar in front of his pointy nose.

"S-S-Shikamaru? Y-You can see me?" he stammered.

A snort came from behind his Nara friend.

"Of course he can see you!" Hidan rolled his eyes. "You're too fucking fat to miss."

Chōji slowly rose to his feet. He angrily glared at the silver haired Jashin follower. Steam escaped from his ears and his face turned the same shade of red as the spirals on his cheeks.

"I…AM…NOT…FAT! I'm husky!"

He performed the hand seals for his Ninpou Baika no Jutsu and Nikudan Sensha techniques and attacked the unsuspecting Hidan.

(Ninpou Baika no Jutsu – Double Weight Technique and Nikudan Sensha – Meat Tank)

**Sasuke**

He opened his beautiful onyx eyes and tried to stifle a yawn. He looked up to see green leaves of the tree he leaned against, dancing alongside the wind.

_Was it all a dream? _He wondered. _Was I really kidnapped by a psychopath who just wanted to play a stupid board game?_

He smirked at the absurdity of the dream and closed his eyes again, waiting for the breeze to brush his bangs across his face. There was a breeze but no bangs.

Confused, his hands searched for his missing locks but his face was exposed, bare… _Naked. _He sat up straight and saw an orange tracksuit covering his body.

_WHY AM I WEARING NARUTO'S CLOTHES!_

"Dobe, I see that you're finally awake," Naruto's voice spoke up.

_Dobe? I'm not the dobe! I'm the teme! Wait what am I saying?_

Girlish giggles interrupted his thoughts, so he turned his head towards his friend. The Uchiha's jaw nearly hit the ground when he looked at the Kyubi vessel.

Naruto was wearing Sasuke's white shorts and navy blue shirt. He had blonde bangs covering the side of his face and his golden hair was spiked up to resemble a chicken's ass. He was surrounded by a dozen girls who seemed to be swooning over him.

Sasuke stood up to walk towards Naruto but he tripped and fell flat on his face.

"Fuck, you're clumsy," Naruto chuckled. "But I guess it's to be expected from **Konoha's Number One Knuckleheaded Ninja**." His fangirls giggled.

"Oh, Naruto, not only are you a prodigy but you're also a comedian," Ino piped up, batting her eyelashes.

Sasuke clenched his fists. "What the hell are you guys talking about? Naruto's the knucklehead! I am the great Uchiha prodigy!" he yelled.

Even though the raven haired male knew that he was losing his cool, he didn't care. He hated it when Naruto surpassed him.

"Prodigy?" Ino spat. "You're a disgrace to the Uchiha name!"

Sasuke stared at her bluntly, baffled by the situation.

"Speaking of Uchihas, look! Here comes Itachi-kun!" a fan girl squealed.

Puzzled, Sasuke turned around to see his older brother wearing his Anbu uniform and heading towards them. Itachi stopped in front of his little brother and stared at him in silence with his usual facade. He suddenly reached out his hand and flicked his little brother's forehead.

"Pathetic weakling," grunted Itachi. The audience behind him snickered as Itachi continued toward Naruto.

Sasuke was frozen in place. _Naruto a prodigy? Itachi? Pathetic weakling? What the FUCK is going on?_

A familiar pinkette in the distance suddenly caught his attention, forcing him to forget his moment of he watched her rush towards him, a smile threatened to tug at his lips. _Hopefully Sakura could make sense of everything._ As she ran towards him, he noticed a lustful grin plastered on her face. _Good, at least she's still crazy about me. _Sasuke sighed with relief. But much to his dismay, Sakura pushed him aside and tried to run to the group behind him.

The young Uchiha grabbed her hand and tugged her towards him, anger now clouding his eyes. "Sakura, are you blind? I'm right here!" he growled at her, The Haruno yanked her hand away and looked at him as if he had a deadly, contagious disease.

"Baka! What would I do with an annoying brat like you? Leave me alone!" she sneered. She turned away from him and ran to hug Itachi. "I missed you Itachi-kun." she cooed.

Sakura then pressed her lips against Itachi's. Itachi then proceeded to place his hands on her curvy waist and pulled the pinkette closer to him.

Sasuke's eyes widened in surprise. He felt a familiar pain invade his chest. The same pain he felt when he was forced to see his clan being massacred repeatedly. The same pain he felt when he saw his role model, Itachi, murder his family. The pain of his heart breaking.

He clenched his fists and gritted his teeth as he saw Itachi slip his hands into Sakura's shorts. She didn't deny him either. The pain increased in his chest. It was as if his beloved cherry blossom had stabbed his heart with a kunai. Granted, he never showed a lot of affection towards her but that didn't mean he never cared.

Despite having an audience, the couple acted as it they where the only people in the world. Sasuke could see how much Sakura was in love with his brother and it killed him. In fact, he was in so much of pain that he had to knock himself out.

_If only I could get a second chance, then I would act differently towards her._ Sasuke thought before he finally lost consciousness.

* * *

><p>"Teme! TEME!"<p>

"Shut up dobe!" Sasuke growled.

"Sasuke-kun!" a worried Sakura spoke. He opened his eyes to see Sakura leaning over him. Tears were streaming down her pale face. "Are you okay Sasuke-kun?"

"Hn, I'm fine," he said.

Sasuke rose to his feet and pushed past the pinkette, his hands shoved deep in his pockets. He glared at Itachi but was secretly relieved to see his brother's Akatsuki robe still draped over him.

(_A/N: so much for Sasuke acting differently towards Sakura rolls eyes)_

**Shikamaru**

_This isn't so bad._ Nara Shikamaru thought to himself.

It had been ten minutes since he walked through the forbidden door and nothing had happened to him. He was surrounded by darkness but he didn't feel threatened if someone were to take him by surprise. Darkness was the same as shadows, which he could control. This was his element and he felt at peace here.

He stopped walking and laid his body down. _Might as well take a nap, _he thought. Using his arm as a cushion, he turned to his side. As he closed his eyes, he allowed himself to fall into a deep sleep.

A bright spotlight flicked on and shone onto the sleeping Nara, wakening him from his slumber.

"Mendokusei," he grumbled and crawled away from the light and back into the shade of darkness where he proceeded to once again fall asleep.

Another light turned on and shone brightly down towards him. Shikamaru lazily rose to his feet. He shielded his eyes with his hand and looked up to see who was activating these troublesome lights but no one was there. He couldn't even sense any other living organisms.

Sweat started forming on his forehead as the heat was intense under the lights. He walked away and back into the darkness. A third spotlight activated, preventing Shikamaru from enjoying the coolness of the shade.

_What the…_

A forth spotlight came on. Then another and another and another until eventually a light shone from every angle, preventing any hint of darkness to try and sneak through.

The Nara again began to sweat profusely; his shirt clinging to his skin. He started walking, trying to search for an exit. The heat from the lights were still unbearable so after making sure that no one was around, he stripped himself of his brown pants and tied it around his pineapple-styled hair, turning it into a turban.

Shikamaru then continued to search for an exit that was away from this scorching wasteland.

The light's rays were beating down on his uncovered skin, making the Nara feel like his flesh had caught alight. He examined his body to see that it had lost its paleness and was instead replaced with a light red.

_Mendokusei! How the hell do I escape from this damn place!_ he thought to himself.

He was getting dehydrated fast and he knew that if he didn't escape soon he would surely pass out and be burned to a crisp. The bright glare from the lights also tired his eyes, making him more sleepy than usual. Shikamaru however was already feeling so weak that he might as well have lost consciousness by now. _Hopefully Chōji won't find my body or he just might eat it thinking that it is barbeque. _

Just as the Nara was about to give up, a brown rectangular object caught his attention. He shielded his dark eyes and squinted. A door?

Despite feeling dehydrated and tired, his red legs sprinted towards the door.

_Please don't be a mirage,_ he pleaded.

He reached out to the door to make sure that it was real. Sure enough, his palm touched the solid wooden object. Anxious to get out, he placed his hand on the gleaming gold doorknob.

"YEOW!" he yelled, retracting his now burnt hand.

Shikamaru quickly took his shirt off, covered the piping hot doorknob with it and pulled the door open. He then proceeded to dash through it and slammed the door behind him. With his eyes closed, he allowed the cool air to caress his skin.

Snickers and chortles ruined his moment of pleasure. He opened his eyes to see his fellow inmates pointing towards his crotch. He looked down to see that his flesh had returned to its normal pale pigment which was a good thing but he was standing in front of everyone with his pants wrapped around his head – his sky blue underwear decorated with grinning cartoon clouds was exposed to his fellow shinobi.

The heat suddenly returned to his face, colouring his cheeks a dark shade of red.

"Mendokusei" he grumbled.


	4. Chapter 2: let the games begin

Chapter 2: Let the games begin

_**A/N:**_ Alright, in this chapter I am going to continue with the original story. Next chapter, however, will be part two of 'The Forbidden Door' where your sadistic pleasure will be turned towards the legendary Sannin: Tsunade, Jiraiya and Orochimaru. Please, please, pretty please review (even if it's anonymous). Reviews will keep me warm and I need all the warmth I can get, seeing as its winter

*Friendly warning* I will be ripping on some of the characters in humorous ways. If you don't want that to happen well then press the back button and read something else.

_**Disclaimer: **_I don't own Naruto...So can I own Gaara?

_**Dedication: **_To my friend XxGoddess AthenaxX, for being my BETA reader. Also, thanks for introducing me to your family's crazy version of '30 Seconds' and for giving me kick ass ideas! I heart you my friend.

Last but not least, I want to thank **Makseryon **and** 5511narusaku4eva** who reviewed. I hope you enjoy this chapter. : )

Arigato minna-san!

**Recap: 15 ninjas are captured and are forced by Shavaun to play a game of 30 seconds. Shavaun is a psychotic brunette who has an unhealthy crush/obsession with Gaara. **

**She has just appointed Naruto, Sakura and Jiraiya as the team leaders. Are the rest of the shinobi happy about this? HELL NO! **

The three team leaders, Naruto, Sakura and Jiraiya stood before the crazy brunette, awaiting their orders. Shavaun pointed to where each leader must stand and then turned to the rest of the shinobi. Consulting the piece of paper before her, she called out each individuals name and placed them into their teams.

"So in Team 1 we have Naruto, Gaara, Sasuke, Tsunade and Hidan."

She turned to the second group and bellowed, "Team 2 will consist of Jiraiya, Shino, Chōji, Tobi and Orochimaru."

Both Uchiha brothers gave a silent sigh of relief. At least they didn't have to be stuck with the snake paedophile.

"And lastly" the brunette continued, "Team 3. Sakura, Shikamaru, Neji, Kisame and Ita..."

"Shavaun-san!" Naruto interrupted, "That's not fair! All the smart people are on team 3!" The blonde folded his arms and pouted.

"Hmm, you have a point there Naruto. Tobi!" she barked at the orange masked boy. "Switch teams with Itachi!"

"Yay! Tobi's happy! Tobi gets to be in the same team as the pretty pink lady!" He squealed as he merrily skipped towards his new group.

Itachi, on the other hand, solemnly trudged towards team 2. His red eyes glared at Naruto. _I'm going to kill that blond bastard! _He thought angrily. Sasuke couldn't help but smirk at his brother's demise. He turned to his Uzumaki comrade and slapped him on the back, "Dobe, when we get out of here, I'm going to treat you to some ramen"

"Teme, You mean it?" shouted the energetic blond and punched the air excitedly.

"Alright! Team leaders, you and you alone must decide on a name for your group." The brunette barked.

"Shavaun-san. I already have a name picked out" the pinkette raised her hand in the air.

"What is it Sakura-san?"

Sakura glanced at her raven haired crush and blushed. Her inner squealed and fainted. "Team Sasuke-kun!" she shrieked. She punched the air with one hand while the other rested on her hip, trying to look like a cheerleader.

"Mendoukusei! So we are basically going to cheer for the opposing team. Troublesome woman." Shikamaru groaned.

"Alright, Team Sasuke-kun it is." Shavaun stated, scribbling it down on her clipboard. "Jiraiya-sama, do you have your name picked out yet?"

"Yosh! I am going to honour all the woman who can't resist my beauty and name my team..." He moved his leg back and extended his arm, forming his typical Jiraiya pose. "...Boobies" he completed his sentence.

Naruto's eyes began to twitch, "Ero-sennin, you are such a pervert" he spoke solemnly.

"I AM NOT A PERVERT! I AM...A SUPER PERVERT!" he exclaimed, flashing the peace sign.

"Baka!" Tsunade's voice shouted as she punched Jiraiya on his head, knocking him down on the ground.

The white haired Sannin slowly rose to his feet, rubbing the small bump that had now appeared on his head. "Grumpy old bat" he mumbled to himself.

"O...K. Team Boobies it is, I suppose. Naruto?"

"Hai, Shavaun-san! We will be known as 'The Fellowship of the Ramen'!" he shouted, licking his lips.

Sasuke smacked his forehead. _Trust the dobe to come up with an idiotic name like that._

_These people are weird...like me! _Shavaun thought to herself. "Okay, everyone please take a seat around the table."

The ninja's did as they were told. Orochimaru seated himself next to Itachi. The snake Sannin stared at him, his long tongue slid across his lips. Itachi, feeling uncomfortable, inched his chair away from the paedophile.

Meanwhile, Gaara hadn't been seated yet. He spotted an empty chair beside Shavaun. She waved her hand frantically , beckoning him to sit next to her. Sighing, he strolled over to the only empty seat and solemnly sat down. He nervously glanced at her psychotic face. Her eyes had grown wide and a toothy grin was plastered on her face as she eyed him up and down. She giggled as a blush formed on her cheeks. Gaara whipped out his teddy bear and cuddled with it. _Help me teddy-chan_ he sent a telepathic message to the bear.

"Let's get this party started!" she beamed, glancing at the three teams. "We all know the rules right? Okay, Fellowship of the Ramen, choose your token colour and roll the dice."

Naruto grabbed an orange token and placed it on the starting block. He then took hold of the dice and rolled a two. His team groaned at the bad luck.

"Don't mess this up little fucker." Hidan scowled.

Naruto took a deep breath and reached for a card. He turned the card over to examine the names on the blue area. He looked at Sakura, who was holding the mini hourglass and nodded. She then turned it upside down, allowing the white sand to run to the bottom.

_First word is chakra. Now how do I explain that?_ He asked himself, scratching his head.

"Uhm, this is that blue and red light thingy that we have. It helps us every day to become powerful." He grinned at what he thought was a good explanation. His team members were silenced, clueless about what Naruto was talking about.

Naruto tried again, "I use it for my Kage Bunshin no Jutsu"

"Techniques? Hand seals?" Tsunade suggested.

"No! No! No! It's those light thingys!" The blond shouted, stamping his feet.

"Dobe, move on to the next word. We have about 15 seconds left." Sasuke shook his head.

He looked down at the next word and grinned to himself. He can easily describe this one! "Obaa-chan hates doing this"

"Paperwork!" Everyone except Hidan shouted.

"Hai! Hai! Ok, next... this is..."

"TIME!" yelled Sakura.

His team groaned. They weren't off to a very good start.

Shavaun reached out and moved their orange token forward. Everyone looked at her in confusion.

"Why the hell did you move them forward? They didn't guess three answers correctly!" Kisame complained, his beady eyes glared at her.

"Because I thought it was a good effort" she winked at Gaara. "Team...boobies, you're next."

After choosing the red token, Jiraiya rolled the dice which landed on 1. His team cheered at the number and anxiously waited for their leader to start describing.

After the hour glass was flipped, he started immediately, "When you want to thrust into your lover...I'm looking for a synonym" He looked nervously at Tsunade who was cracking her knuckles.

"Bang?" Orochimaru suggested, while looking lustfully at Itachi.

"Hai! And you bang with your...?"

"Bangkok" Shino murmured, shaking his head.

"Hai! Ok, next one, Japanese cartoon?"

"Anime" answered Chōji, munching on his chocolate bar.

"Yes! Okay these are little blue cartoon people and are most probably related to Kisame" Jiraiya chuckled to himself.

"The smurfs?" Itachi mumbled.

"TIME!" Sakura once again called out.

"Yosh!" shouted Jiraiya triumphantly, moving their token two spaces forward.

"Team Sasuke-kun, you're up" Shavaun announced.

Sakura chose the pink token [Surprised?] and then proceeded to roll the dice.

"Nooooooooooooo!" screamed Tobi as he looked at the zero that Sakura had rolled, "We get nothing! Tobi sad!" He folded his arms and slumped in his chair.

"No Tobi, zero is a good number in this game" Sakura explained.

"Oh, well then Tobi is happy! Yay Sakura!" he clapped his hands enthusiastically.

Sakura sighed and grabbed a card and waited for the timer to start.

"A Malaysian fashion designer that specialises in crafting handmade shoes for woman. He makes the most fabulous high heels."

"Jimmy Choo's?" Neji spoke up.

"Correct" Sakura beamed.

He flushed as his team members stared at him. "I have a girl cousin you know?" he said.

"Guy's focus!" Sakura commanded, "This little baby has the power to make people fall in love with each other by shooting arrows at them." '**And I'm still waiting for him to shoot Sasuke-kun' **her inner growled.

"Cupid" Shikamaru sighed, looking bored.

"Correct! An ancient civilization that extends over a large part of East Asia."

"China", Shikamaru and Neji answered.

"An ancient box that once contained all the world's diseases"

"Pandora's box" Neji replied.

"Hai! The great white shark loves these cold waters."

"The Atlantic ocean!" Kisame grinned, baring his shark like teeth.

"Chyyyyyaaaaaa! We've got all five correct!" Sakura cried gleefully. She extended her arm out in the middle of the air, "come on, bring it in."

Her team reluctantly placed their hands on top of Sakura's. "Go team Sasuke-kun!" she shouted as she lifted her hand in the air. The males sweat dropped and retracted their hands in silence. Shikamaru leaned forward and moved their pink token five spaces.

"Our turn!" Naruto yelled, pushing Sasuke forward. Sasuke sighed as he rolled the little white cube. Zero.

"Way to go Sasuke!" Sakura cheered but kept quiet as soon as her team glared at her.

Sasuke smirked and picked up a card and flipped it over to the yellow side.

"This is a classic movie revolving around a two lovers and a sinking ship" he explained.

"Titanic" said Tsunade, flicking her blonde hair back.

"Oh I remember that movie, it was your favourite Sasuke. You watched it 50 times a day." Itachi stated calmly.

Sasuke glared at his brother, shooting daggers from his eyes. He ignored the snickers in the room and continued with the game, "What does Naruto love?"

"Ramen!" the team chorused.

"We suspect Orochimaru is a chi..."

"Paedophile!" his team answered before Sasuke could finish his sentence.

"Time!" Tobi shouted, looking at the timer.

Sasuke moved the orange token 3 spaces forward.

"Shino, why don't you go next?" Jiraiya proposed.

The Aburame bushed his dark sunglasses up his nose and reached for the dice. He too rolled a zero.

"Well done Shino!" Chōji congratulated him.

With the card in his hand, Shino cleared his throat, "I don't like to repeat the same thing twice, so listen up. This arthropod is a type of Hymenoptera. It's part of the Formicidae family."

Silence invaded the room as everyone stared bluntly at Shino.

"Uhm, Cake?" Chōji responded.

"No! Why would you think that?" Shino sweat dropped.

"I'm hungry" the Akimichi complained, rubbing his stomach.

"Go to the next word" Jiraiya commanded.

"No! I want you to guess this word, it's so easy!" Shino sulked, folding his arms. He tried explaining again, "their antenna is elbowed and they have chewing mouthparts. They also have a beautiful constricted waist."

A few more seconds of silence passed by before "Time!" was shouted.

"It was an ANT you incompetent imbeciles!" Shino growled as he angrily slammed his fist on the table. "You do know what that is, don't you?" he added sarcastically before sitting down.

"Moving on," said Sakura. "I think Shikama..."

"Oooh! Oooh! Let Tobi go next! Tobi is a good boy!" the masked boy stuck his hand up in the air and bounced up and down excitedly.

"Alright Tobi, roll the dice"

He picked up the little white cube and threw a zero. "Yay! Tobi is good at this game!" he shouted as he reached for a card.

"You ready Tobi?" asked Naruto who now had the hour glass in his hands. After a vigorous nod from the boy, Naruto flipped the timer. "Go!" yelled the blond.

Tobi took a deep breath and shouted at the top of his voice, "South Africa! Mamma Mia! The Commonwealth Games! 007! Malcolm X! Yay Tobi can read! Tobi is a good boy!"

After yet another moment of silence, Sakura started screaming at the poor boy, "Tobi! You idiot! You were suppose to describe what was on the card, not read out the answers! Haven't you been paying attention throughout this whole game?"

Kisame slapped Tobi on the side of the head, "Baka!" he hissed.

Tobi folded his arms and sulked. "Ow! Tobi is sorry, really sorry. Please forgive Tobi" he begged, rubbing his head.

"Alright I'm going next!" Hidan pushed past Naruto and seized the dice. After rolling a zero he grinned. "Fuck yeah!"

The grin grew wider as he saw the names on his card. "Alright, the first one is a movie starring Eddie Murphy. And upon reading this title I suspect that it's based on that fat kid's mother." He pointed towards Chōji.

"Big momma's house!" Tobi piped up.

"Shut up! You are not supposed to give the opposing team the answers!" Kisame growled as he slapped Tobi again.

"Uh, Big Momma's house?" Naruto repeated.

"Correct! This cartoon character is fucking fat. He wears blue and white striped pants and has superhuman strength. He also has a small dog named Dogmatix" He looked at Chōji, "Is this your Father kid?"

"Ooooh! Ooooh! Tobi knows the answer! That's Obelix!"

"Tobi shut up!" Shikamaru snapped.

"Obelix?" Naruto once again repeated.

"Correct! Now let's see if there are more of that fat fuck's family listed on this card." Said Hidan as he scanned the card.

Chōji, who had tried to stay calm this entire time, ran at full speed towards the Jashin follower and attacked him.

After allowing Chōji to repeatedly punch Hidan in the face, Tsunade finally stood up to pry the Akimichi of the Akatsuki member.

"Chōji! Calm down!" she barked, throwing him back onto his seat.

"Here Chōji, why don't you have a go?" said Jiraiya, trying to distract him.

Giving one final glare at Hidan, the Akimichi picked up the dice and rolled a 1.

"This is a type of chocolate that has a creamy nougat and caramel centre. The slogan is 'for a 25 hour day' " Chōji explained, his mouth watering.

''bar-one!" Tobi piped up.

"Tobi I'm warning you now, shut up or else!" Sakura warned, cracking her knuckles.

"Bar-one" said Itachi.

"Hai! This female sings in the band the Black Eyed Peas"

"Fergie!" Jiraiya shouted, licking his lips. He blushed as he thought about the celebrity's body.

"Yes! Ok, this thing is very small and eats a lot. When it's done eating it builds a wrappy thingy and sleeps in it. When it's done sleeping it comes out looking very pretty!" he looked at Shino, expecting him to answer.

The rest of Team Boobies immediately turned towards Tobi, looking for an answer. Disappointment washed over them as they saw Kisame's blue hand covering Tobi's mouth.

"Time!" shouted Sakura, pointing at the sand.

Chōji placed the card back in the box and calmly sat down.

"Chōji? What was the answer?" asked Shino, curious.

"It was a butterfly. I'm surprised you didn't get it Shino"

Shino smacked his forehead. _I'm surrounded by idiots_

_What's with this team and insects? _Itachi wondered.

Chills suddenly shivered up his spine as he realized he was being watched. His eyes momentarily turned to the right, and caught a glimpse of Orochimaru still staring at him. Where was his sword when he needed it? He turned his head away from the snake Sannin. _Maybe if I just ignore him he'll leave me alone._

A hot breath unexpectedly caressed his neck. Itachi froze in place as he heard a voice say, "I can't decide whose body I want more. Yours or your brothers" a long tongue traced the outside of his ear, drenching it in saliva. Itachi's eyes darted towards his younger brother. He inwardly scowled as he saw Sasuke watching him and smirking at his predicament.

Itachi's fist rose up from his robe and punched Orochimaru in the face. The snake Sannin stumbled backwards, stunned. A grin suddenly emerged upon his bruised face as took pleasure in the pain. He returned to his seat, "A feisty one are we? I like it." He purred, as his long tongue snaked out.

Team Sasuke-kun, who were watching his whole scene, turned a little green. Vomit threatened to escape their throats.

"Let's just continue with the game, neh?" Sakura suggested, distracting her team.

They nodded their heads in agreement.

Sakura grabbed the dice and handed them over to Neji. The Hyuga threw a 2. He picked up a card and studied each names on the card, strategising how he was going to describe the names.

"A sharks greatest enemy." He said, looking at Kisame.

"The dolphins" Kisame growled, clenching his fists.

"That is correct." The brunette then turned towards to the lazy Shikamaru who had fallen asleep on the table.

Sakura smacked the Nara on the side of the head, "Shikamaru! Wake up!"

"Mendoukusei" Shikamaru grumbled, rubbing his eyes.

"Shikamaru-san. You should be able to guess this answer correctly." Said Neji. "This is a type of strategical game that consists of..."

"Chess" Shikamaru yawned before resting his head back onto the table.

Neji nodded his head, "This next one is..."

"Time!" yelled Naruto, his eyes glued to the hourglass.

"Okay well, I say it's time for a break. Teams may huddle and discuss their strategies while I go to the little crazy girl's room" said Shavaun, standing up from her seat.

"Wait! Will there be snacks?" Chōji asked hopeful.

"Sorry, no. If you really are hungry then feel free to eat someone in the room" Shavaun suggested before dashing off to the bathroom.

Chōji's eyes immediately fell upon Hidan. He licked his lips as he thought of all the Jashin dishes that would taste delicious.

"Chōji, focus!" Jiraiya commanded.

"Gomenasai." He apologised and joined the rest of his team.

They huddled in a small circle, trying to block out any eavesdroppers.

"We are getting nowhere in this game!" Jiraiya pounded a fist in his hand.

"...And as much as I hate to admit this," said Sakura, eyeing her team mates.

"There is only one way we can get this game over and done with! And I want to end it so that I can go get my ramen!" Naruto exclaimed.

"We are going to have to cheat!" The team leaders chimed.

_**A/N: **_**And that's the end of the chapter. To be honest, I'm starting to grow tired of this fanfic. But to those of you who have alerted and favoured this story, I'm going to persevere just for you. : )**

**So far the score is as follows:**

Fellowship of the Ramen – 6 spaces

Team Boobies – 5 spaces

Team Sasuke-kun – 5 spaces

**Next chapter: The forbidden door.**

**(And all I can say is that you Jiraiya's torture method is going to have you on the floor laughing. On that note, I need some help writing Orochimaru's torture method. If you have any ideas, please leave it in a review or PM me. It will be greatly appreciated.) **

**Pretty please review. I always get all these hits to my story but people don't bother to review. It may be anonymous if you wish.**


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